Reflections from a midlife journey
Having the courage to quit
Much like the trees in autumn, letting go for me is a slow process. Bit by bit, though, I let go of those things whose time has passed. This is how letting go has always worked for me.
Letting go is hard even when it’s your decision to quit. It’s even harder when you’re letting go of a part of yourself.
Learning to live with death
It’s been quite the month and didn’t turn out at all as I had anticipated. Even though July tends to be a rough month for me, I was looking forward to what lay ahead. Perhaps I was lulled into a false sense of confidence because, last year, July passed with relative ease.
But no. This year, the July funk hit early and hard. The July 4th holiday was one of the most melancholy I’ve experienced. By the 5th, though, the funk already seemed to be passing, much to my relief. That relief was short-lived.
Dancing with light and shadow
As the summer solstice approaches and with it the longest day of the year, I’ve been reflecting a lot about light and shadow. It can be hard to remember my light when I am lost in the shadow of negative thoughts and unpleasant emotions. When I do find myself stuck in the shadows, there are things I can do that help create the space I need to find my light again.
The surprising obstacle standing in my way
During my down time last month, I started asking for guidance and paying attention to the signs and messages that showed up. In the quiet, one message came through loud and clear: I had too many open loops—projects, tasks, and ideas—and these loops were draining me of the energy I needed to move forward. I also kept getting the message that there was an obstacle blocking my way. However, I couldn’t see it as such because it had become part of my landscape—familiar and beloved.
Finding freedom in the slowness of the season
I have a complicated relationship with winter. On the one hand, I look forward to and welcome it every year for the permission it gives me to slow down and turn inward. On the other hand, there are times during winter when I feel anything but free. I know the real restriction comes from within me—a thought, a belief, or a story I’m telling myself that makes me feel stuck. I know that I am in some way limiting myself.
Why do we do this?
I was having a conversation with a friend recently, and I was suddenly struck by how often we as women, and humans in general, downplay our pain. Maybe the issue isn’t just that we downplay our pain, but that we also don’t allow ourselves to acknowledge the moments of everyday grief that come with living this human life.
Awaiting the light of dawn
This quote from Emily Dickinson came to me not once but twice recently: “Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.” I have to say, this may be the best advice I’ve ever read for navigating transition and it’s exactly what I needed to hear.
Pressing pause
I have been paying particular attention to the trees this season, which have been reminding me how slow the process of change and letting go really is. Like the trees, I still am moving slowly through my own transition. However, a couple things have become a more clear, and I’m a little surprised by the revelations.
57 and counting
There have been two times in my life when the transition from one age to the next has been challenging—mentally and emotionally. The transition from 56 to 57 has been one of those times. The other time was the transition from 34 to 35. I can’t tell you why these particular age transitions were difficult. They weren’t significant birthdays. I wasn’t transitioning from one decade to the next. Yet, these birthdays felt like thresholds somehow—that some significant change was stirring.
Uncovering the blocks to my belonging
The gift of belonging to yourself and being who you are, vs. being who you think you need to be to fit in, is knowing that you are worthy of your own time, energy, and attention. When you belong to yourself, there is ample space for what matters … you.
Even with the work I’ve done around this over the years, I can still find myself putting me on the back burner. I recently found myself stuck in this old pattern again. When I looked deeper into this pattern during a recent coaching session, I discovered the blocks standing in the way of giving myself the time, energy, and attention I need.