Awaiting the light of dawn
It’s no accident that this post is coinciding with the winter solstice—the darkest day of the year. And there’s something comforting in knowing that my journey is aligning with nature’s cycles.
It’s also no coincidence that this quote from Emily Dickinson came to me not once but twice recently.
“Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.”
The first time I read the words they didn’t make sense to me—at all. Because of that, the second time I received this quote I almost dismissed it without a second thought. But something stopped me. My intuition.
I know that when something shows up for me more than once, like this quote or a bird or a song, I need to pay attention. It has a message for me.
When I loosened my mental grip on the words, the meaning of the quote instantly became clear. And I have to say, this may be the best advice I’ve ever read for navigating transition and it’s exactly what I needed to hear.
In my post from last month, I mentioned my decision to work with a career coach in my pursuit of a small J-O-B. After a month or so, I am no clearer on what that may look like. I remain in the dark not knowing when dawn will come.
(By the way, this has everything to do with me and nothing to do with my coach. As my coaching mentor Martha Beck says, a client’s progress is not a reflection of the coach’s skill.)
Where I am struggling is with opening every door—opening myself to all possibilities. Just as I start to open myself to a possibility, my mind slams the door shut. Fear, doubt, uncertainty, and perhaps some lack of confidence are the locks keeping the doors firmly closed.
Therapist and coach Patty Bechtold wrote in her latest newsletter, “… when we let sorrow, pain, loss, and grief in, and give ourselves over to the difficult and unknown places of transition—it is because of our capacity to love and care deeply.”
These words, well timed, helped me see that there are some possibilities to which I am reluctant to open the door because it may mean letting go of something about which I love and care deeply.
However, I know that I will only be able to see the light of dawn, to gain clarity, when I open every door. And that getting clear on my hopes and dreams and giving myself permission to want what I want is the key to opening those doors.
If you are currently navigating the darkness of transition, even if the transition is that of the impending new year and the unknowns and uncertainties that brings, ask yourself …
Am I allowing myself to open the doors to all possibilities? If not, what doors am I reluctant to open?
What do I love and care deeply about that I fear losing?
What are my hopes and dreams, and am I allowing myself to want what I want?
