Dancing with light and shadow
As the summer solstice approaches and with it the longest day of the year, I’ve been reflecting a lot about light and shadow.
It can be hard to remember my light when I am lost in the shadow of negative thoughts and unpleasant emotions. These days, when I find myself lost in shadow, it mostly has to do with finding a small J-O-B.
It’s rare that I get stuck in the shadows for long periods of time. Over the past few years, I have become more adept at dancing with both my light and shadow selves—equal partners that I’ve learned to take in turn.
However, when I do find myself stuck in the shadows, there are things I can do that help create the space I need to find my light again.
Talking or laughing with a friend
Snuggling with our dog Henry
Listening to music to move the emotions
Reading a good book to engage my imagination
Taking a nap or warm bath to rest my mind and reconnect with my body
Journaling to connect me with my soul
All of these strategies work well for me, whether alone or in combination. However, there is one shadow that requires a different approach, and that is the shadow of fear.
When I am overshadowed by fear, I have learned that I first need to acknowledge that it is present. Otherwise, my inclination is to push fear aside and pretend it isn’t there. Once I have accepted the presence of fear, I ask myself:
What question am I afraid to ask?
What am I afraid to know?
Recently, fear cast its shadow when someone mentioned in a podcast something that made me question the direction I have been pursuing for work. I’ve been looking at parlaying my previous magazine editing experience into book editing.
When I finally caught a breath and interrupted the negative thought spiral in my head, I realized the question I was afraid to ask myself was: Does a lack of experience with Chicago Style automatically disqualify me as a book editor?
You see, almost all of my experience is with Associated Press style—the preference for those working in newspaper and magazine publishing. The Chicago Manual of Style is the bible for all things book-related.
My Chicken Little brain was afraid to learn that a lack of Chicago Style experience would mean that book editing isn’t an option for me. Then, all of my efforts to date will have been for naught. (Of course, my wiser self knows that no effort is ever wasted.)
There have been other fearful thoughts lurking in my mind, such as …
What if I suck at book editing? And, what if I don’t like it?
However, just as there are questions that help me navigate the shadow of fear, there too is a question that helps move me closer to the light:
What if …?
What if a lack of Chicago Style doesn’t disqualify me as a book editor?
What if I love editing books?
What if I am good at it?
As I mentioned, moving between light and shadow is a dance, and to be a good partner there needs to be space. Space to move. Space to connect. Space to be.
Accepting the presence of fear and facing it by asking those questions does just that. It gives me space to be with the fear and to connect with my inner wisdom, which then allows space for the fear to transform into something more productive—something that allows me to move forward.
Even though I move between light and shadow with more ease and (hopefully) grace these days, being in the shadows can still be uncomfortable, especially when fear is present. This poem by Julia Junkin reminds me of the gift we can find when we allow ourselves to be with the shadow.
She said,
“OH! Don’t you see?
you’ll never know
what will set you free …
and it is true my dear,
the darkest shadows are
next to the greatest light.
find the courage to remain.”
It’s no coincidence that I have been contemplating light and shadow on the cusp of the summer solstice. It’s the time when nature invites us to pause and have patience, and to find nourishment for our growth by turning inward.
During this solstice season, if you find yourself in the shadows, ask yourself to what or to whom can you turn to guide you back to your light.
Here’s to embracing both our light and our shadow and allowing them to guide us forward.
