Reflections from a midlife journey
Blessing the in between
I was recently doing some housekeeping on my website and ran across this quote from John O’Donohue:
“… endings can be such a relief. When we suffer, we long for it to end. When we are in pain, time crawls. It also darkens and imprisons our imagination; consequently, we are unable to see beyond the suffering that plagues us. Often the greatest gift in such a situation is when someone manages to persuade the eyes of the heart to glimpse the vaguest brightening. Then the imagination takes hope from that, and constructs a path of light out of the darkness. Such endings offer great promise and bring us to the edge of new possibility. They are nascent beginnings. This is one of the fascinating characteristics of consciousness. Unlike the world of matter, in the world of spirit a whole territory that has lain fallow can become a fertile area of new potential and creativity. Time behaves differently in the domain of spirit.”
I believe that the words we need always find us when we most need them. I needed these words because this is where I find myself now.
The surprising ally that helped me change my business
While I have been pretty quiet the past couple of months, there has been movement going on in the background around my business.
It all started in March when I took myself to the ER for heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and tightness in my chest. I was fine, at least physically. It wasn’t until I was lying awake in the middle of the night a few days later that the source of my symptoms became apparent to me.
Anxiety.
Endings and beginnings
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about endings and beginnings. How something has to end for something new to begin, like the long dormant trees sprouting tender new leaves or the sunset that denotes the completion of another day.
Endings and beginnings mark the passages of our days, our years, our decades. In between the endings and beginnings lies the liminal space of I Don’t Know.
This is where I am right now.
Surrendering to the call and letting myself be led
My time wintering wasn’t what I expected. I had visions of hygge-licious days filled with soft light, warm blankets, good books, puppy snuggles, and naps.
There was some of all those things. And there was a lot of work. For sure, there were moments of joy, but the time was not entirely enjoyable. Sprinkled amidst periods of contentment were moments of grief because this time wasn’t unfolding as I had imagined.
Finding some peace this season
When I allow for space, I allow awareness and awareness is everything. Because with awareness comes wisdom, and with wisdom comes liberation. And where you’ve achieved liberation, you’ll find peace.
Not never, just not now
I once told my friend Marna that I would never do a podcast. (Doing a podcast was only one circle of hell removed from doing video.) When I told her of my plan to do a podcast, she said I needed to warn her and give her a chance to sit down before making such proclamations!
So why a podcast now?
Although I am a lifelong writer both by nature and vocation and express myself best in writing, I knew I needed to start using my voice. I know that my expansion, both personal and professional, depends on me using my voice.
Befriending your fear
Befriending your fear—acknowledging its existence and listening to what it has to say—is far more effective in calming your nervous system and allowing you to move forward with confidence than when you resist it, pretend it doesn’t exist, or push through it. Those strategies only fuel fear and amplify it. Ignoring your fear only succeeds in keeping you stuck where you are.
Surrendering to the magic of what wants to be
Another birthday is in the books and, as usual, it had its ups and downs. This year came with a theme, though, a magical message that stayed with me on the days surrounding and including my birthday:
Less effort, more surrender.
Tend the body first
In our culture, we do an abysmal job of respecting our bodies. We treat them like servants when in fact they’re benevolent sages. Unfortunately, we rarely take the time to listen to and heed their wisdom.
I know why. Because doing so often means doing the opposite of how we’ve been conditioned. And that scares the shit out of us because we fear “falling behind.”
Making peace with judgment
When I am in the throes of self-judgment, there is no room for any other part of me to show up—compassion, curiosity, patience, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, etc. Self-judgment is all consuming.