Reflections from a midlife journey
The gift of time
As I sat against a tree, what rose up in me was my concern over time. “There’s never enough of time. Time is running out. How can I get more time?” are some of the fears my lizard brain plays on repeat. What specifically welled up in me was my fear about time where my husband Todd is concerned.
Living at the edge
I recently returned from spending eight days in the forest, embarking on a new adventure. I’m spending the next six months training to become a certified forest therapy guide. “A certified forest what?!?!,” you may be saying to yourself. Trust me, no one was more surprised than me that this was something I felt drawn to do.
Knowing is enough
There are many times when we know what we know and don’t necessarily know why—or don’t know the why. Unfortunately, through our culture, we’ve been taught that we need to provide a solid reason for our decisions. Here’s the thing: You don’t need to know why.
Filling the well
I’m going to go out on limb here and hazard a guess that you give … a lot … but to everyone and everything else but yourself. It is a common misconception that giving to others is selfless while giving to ourselves is selfish. However, I have learned that if my personal well is running dry, I have very little to give to others.
Resting and hiding
It's human nature to put up our defenses when we feel we are under attack. Many times, though, the instinct to protect ourselves comes from our lizard brain, which is responding to a thought we're having in the moment that may or may not be true. Our lizard brain assumes the worst, so we hunker down and close ourselves off for fear that we'll be seen and judged for our vulnerability. We go into hiding.
I don't know
I love a good mystery be it a book, a TV series, or a movie. Where I haven't always loved mystery is in my personal life. Uncertainty feels unsafe. There’s something unsettling and ungrounded when I’m in that liminal space; or as Mastin Kipp calls it “living in the maybe.” I don’t know is just a hard place to be.
Feel the love
Avoiding the present is a way of distracting ourselves from our feelings. We don’t just distract ourselves from negative feelings, though. We distract ourselves from the positive feelings too. In fact, I believe we distract ourselves more often from positive feelings like love, appreciation, and joy. For many of us, these positive feelings are more uncomfortable than negative feelings. Why is that?
Be the innkeeper of your soul
When a prospective new client noted that she didn’t feel like she was a good innkeeper of her soul, I was curious. What did it mean to her that she isn’t a good innkeeper of her soul? And so I asked her. Then it occurred to me: What does being the innkeeper of your soul mean to me? It is, after all, the thing I’ve been talking about for awhile
Just be here
I have spent a lot of time and energy thinking that I need to find my people, that I should be out there finding my places and things here in Bend. I’ve lived here for almost two years. What’s wrong with me? But every time I think about putting myself out there, my essential self just says, “Meh.” And again I think, “What’s wrong with me?”
The next thing
While looking at photos from a friend’s recent wedding, I became aware of two feelings—happiness and sadness. I am so happy for my friend who has found the love of his life. But I was also a little sad, remembering my own wedding just a couple years ago and how life’s special moments (and they’re all special—good, bad, and in between) go by so fast.