Feel the love
A couple months ago, I wrote a post about how focusing on the future keeps me from participating in the present moment. In response, a wise soul commented, “The only thing to do in the present is to feel and who wants to do that!” Indeed. Not many of us, I’d wager.
Avoiding the present is a way of distracting ourselves from our feelings. We don’t just distract ourselves from negative feelings, though. We distract ourselves from the positive feelings too. In fact, I believe we distract ourselves more often from positive feelings like love, appreciation, and joy. For many of us, these positive feelings are more uncomfortable than negative feelings. Why is that? Because on some level, we don’t believe we are worthy of the good that comes to us. We seem to be far more willing to believe we deserve the negative/bad/unpleasant things that happen to us.
I know this was my experience growing up. I was taught that I needed to work hard, be well behaved, and toe the line in order to earn something good—a reward, praise, etc. And when I received something good or had a reason to feel good, there was an expectation that, if I hadn’t worked hard enough to earn it, I would need to make up for that. And this mindset followed me well into adulthood.
The other shoe
In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown refers to “foreboding joy.” We don’t want to get too comfortable with the good, really indulge in its deliciousness, because we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Surely this goodness can’t or won’t last. We better prepare for the inevitable disaster that’s bound to strike.
It’s true: Nothing lasts forever—good or bad. However, far more good things happen to us during our lives than bad. The problem is that we remember the bad more than the good. Why do we deny ourselves that pleasure?
Here’s what I have recently come to know …
The more I allow myself to feel love, the more love comes to me, and the more love I feel.
This started several weeks ago. A gift appeared in my mailbox from a friend. No reason, just because she appreciated my friendship. Two days later, just before Valentine’s Day, I received a sweet card from another friend, appreciating my contribution to her life. Then I received some heartfelt words of appreciation and congratulation, along with a thoughtful gift from my husband when I completed the life coach training program.
Good begets more good
Every time I allowed myself to really feel the love, I felt like the Grinch gazing down at Whoville on Christmas morning. My heart grew three sizes. The more I allowed myself to feel those good feelings, the more I felt deserving of that love.
In the past, my M.O. would have been to brush off these moments of sincere love and appreciation. Not only did I not feel worthy of those gifts but I also didn’t want to believe that I was that worthy, that deserving, that good. (There’s that word again!)
When I allow myself to accept these gifts, the more of them I receive. Have I had “bad” days or moments since I received those gifts? Absolutely! In fact, a guy backed his SUV into my car, adding to what was an already dissatisfying morning. You know what? I completely forgot about the incident because it became overshadowed by another gift of goodness I received during a coaching session with a colleague.
This is the kind of change that’s possible when you allow yourself to trust and to believe that you are good, you do good, and you deserve good. Good begets more good.
If, like me, you have a tendency to downplay or distract yourself from the good feelings in life, I have a suggestion—start a Today’s Gifts practice. Every day, make a list of the good things you allowed yourself to receive and the good feelings you allowed yourself to feel. You may not have something to write down every day but thinking about it will help you to start noticing the good. Soon, you’ll notice that it gets easier to identify, appreciate, and savor the good.
How do you distract yourself from positive feelings? And what keeps you from receiving the good in your life?
