Reflections from a midlife journey
Embracing the new year
The holidays were quiet for me, a gift in itself. It gave me time to reflect on the year that was ending—what did and didn’t work for me, the joys and dissatisfactions of my life right now, and what I want to let go of and what I want to let in in 2018. I also went back and read my new year’s post from last year to see how my year tracked with my intentions. Connect more deeply with myself. Yes. Continue letting go. Yes. Focus on delight and things that fill me up. Mmm … yes and no.
Piece by piece
I’ve written before about letting go. For me, it’s been a constant and critical part of my journey, shedding that which no longer serve me—people, places, things, and thoughts. It’s something I think about a lot because I’m continually discerning what feels authentic to my essential self. It occurred to me recently, though, that perhaps I make letting go sound like an easy thing to do. It’s not. It’s a slow, unfolding, and sometimes painful process that can take days, weeks, months, even years.
Rest
I recently visited with some girlfriends while in the Bay Area a couple weeks ago. As we were catching up, one thing struck me: They’re both tired. Actually, that’s an understatement. They’re exhausted. It’s no wonder, between kids, work, travel, school commitments, aging parents, home remodeling projects, and on and on. Sound familiar?
Willing to suck
At a certain age or point in our lives, we feel like we have gained some mastery on this journey called life. We’ve gathered some skills, experience, and wisdom along the way. We’re no longer beginners. There’s comfort in that knowledge and feeling. There’s an ease and confidence that comes from knowing what the hell you’re doing. But there can also be apathy and stagnation.
Space ... the ultimate frontier
I crave space and function best when I give myself the space I need. Here’s the tricky thing about space, though: It’s often uncomfortable. We’re socialized to be busy, to fill every possible moment so we appear productive, valuable, and successful—and believe that we are. When confronted with space, we avoid it.
Quitter
“Don’t be a quitter.”
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this during my life from my parents, friends, family, significant others, and other insidious sources. Eventually I internalized this message and, because of it, ended up sticking with things longer than I should have—and always to my detriment. And when I did quit, I was made to feel bad about it from others or (worse) myself.
Dead weight
It’s something I don’t talk about much. I don’t want to sound like a whiner, especially since by western medical standards, I’m considered “normal.” And in the grand scheme of life and the state of the world, there are far more pressing matters. Here’s the thing, though, my weight really bothers me … a lot. Intuitively, though, I know food and exercise aren’t the real problem.
More or less
Let’s face it, most of us lie to ourselves or others every now and then, or more frequently. What I came to realize is that perhaps the biggest lie I tell myself is the lie of less than. Less than is how I can often feel. But less than is an illusion.
Drop the rope
There's an epic tug o’ war battle raging between my ego and my soul. In this battle, though, there is no winner. It’s an exhausting and painful game.