Reflections from a midlife journey
It is enough
At some point, or maybe many points, we question our purpose in life. I have. I still do. I’ve spent a lot of time contemplating my purpose since I abandoned the B&B business idea. I’ve wondered what can I, what should I do with my life now before it’s too late.
Connection, not perfection
That’s what happened to me. There was a lot of noise—the busy-ness of life at the time. Because of that noise, I lost my connection to myself.
Opening to love
When a friend lost her beloved unexpectedly several weeks ago, I was overcome with emotion—desperate sadness and concern for her but also sadness at remembering my own losses over the years. I know grief. Not this particular grief, which is unimaginable to me, but grief nonetheless.
50-ish days of delight
It’s been 50 or so days since I started my #365daysofdelight project. Although it’s too early to see a particular trend or direction, the simple act of documenting my delights every day has revealed plenty of lessons.
Here’s what I have learned so far (in no particular order) …
The angry girl within
I was an angry child. Not all the time--just when my feelings weren’t being acknowledged or considered, which was a lot. I got a very clear message: My feelings didn’t matter. Here’s how that message manifested itself in my behavior over the years.
Filling up
For the past couple of years, rather than make resolutions, I have chosen a word to frame my new year. A word that evokes a feeling I want more of in my life. This year's word is like an old friend with whom I've reconnected. For 2017, it's all about filling up.
What our house taught me about myself
We have been in our new home for 2 ½ months. Although we are excited every day to see the ever-changing landscape, smell the juniper-infused fresh air, and watch the critters that cross our path and sky, the house has not been all roses and unicorns. Far from it. Although the house has certainly required a lot from us , it has also given us a lot. Already, I have learned a lot from Gentry House has--mostly about myself.
The letdown of letting go
Not for a second since accepting the revelation that I am no longer going to pursue the B&B have I felt a sense of regret. In many ways, I feel like a weight had been lifted. The decision has left me feeling freer and more buoyant. That’s not to say, though, that the decision didn’t leave me feeling sad.
An unexpected revelation
If there is one thing I’ve learned in the past couple of years, it is that the answer always lies within me, regardless of the question or issue I’m wrestling with. Sometimes I get an answer to an issue I wasn’t even aware of. I know exactly why I have pursued the B&B dream, but the dream wasn’t to own a B&B.