Wintering the soul—a season of self-love

I love winter—the cold temps, the gray skies, the frost and snow. More than that, though, I love the unapologetic permission winter gives me to turn inward. For me, winter feels like an invitation for self-love. A time to reconnect with my soul and improve my relationship with myself. 

It’s taken me awhile to give myself that unapologetic permission to love myself in this way. I was much better at it when I was younger, and I would push back against those who told me the time I took for myself was selfish. But I knew the truth. The time I took for myself wasn’t selfishness; it was self-preservation. 

Eventually, though, I grew weary of the constant battle and succumbed to the belief that my preservation was tied to caring for others, not myself. My relationship with others became more important than my relationship to myself.

I learned the hard way that self-love isn’t optional. It’s a necessity like food, water, and sunlight. But culture will always try to keep us focused on what’s outside of us.  

Take Valentine’s Day. The moment we see the store displays of cards and candy decked out in red and pink hearts, our minds immediately start to think of what we should be doing or giving to others. My hunch is that if you stop in that moment and take a breath, you may notice a feeling of pressure in your body. You may even feel a little anger or resentment. (I could be wrong. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think so.) 

Those feelings are a sign that you need to shower yourself with some of the love you are so selflessly inclined to give to others. You need to love yourself first. 

Loving yourself should not be an afterthought, something you do after you’ve taken care of everyone else, or something you have to earn. The truth is that when you are filled up with your own love, you have more of it to give. 

There’s no better time to practice the art of self-love than winter. It is the perfect season for turning inward and tending the space within.

One of my favorite ways to show myself some love is to indulge in rest. Deep rest. Winter is not the time to spring into action. It is a time for resting and restoring. 

I know this can be more difficult if you live in a temperate climate. I lived most of my life in California and didn’t understand the true gift and necessity of wintering my soul until I moved somewhere with a more obvious winter climate. 

Wintering as a form of self-love is not limited to the actual season, however. Our souls need regular time-outs for deep rest all year, including summer—the extreme extrovert of all the seasons with its continual pressure to be outside (literally and metaphorically). Even in summer, it’s necessary to spend time going within. 

What does wintering your soul look like? 

It can be any activity that allows you to quiet the noise (both in your environment and in your head) and connect to your soul and authentic self. That could be reading a book of poetry in a quiet corner with a cup of your favorite tea, watching the birds outside your window, laying on the ground and watching the clouds float by overhead, a hot bath infused with a favorite essential oil, or lighting a candle and doing some journaling. Or all of the above. 

How much time you spend wintering your soul depends on how much time you have and how much time you need to feel rested and restored. That could be anywhere from an hour or two to a couple days or more. 

I highly recommend turning off your phone and taking a break from email, social media, and other electronic devices. At the very least, set some very strict boundaries around your usage, if you have to be somewhat available. Trust me, everyone and everything will all still be there when you return. 

If you have trouble giving yourself permission to love yourself first, consider this your permission slip. Always remember that you are deserving of your own time, energy, and attention. The world needs you loving yourself first.