Reflections from a midlife journey
Making peace with judgment
When I am in the throes of self-judgment, there is no room for any other part of me to show up—compassion, curiosity, patience, kindness, generosity, forgiveness, etc. Self-judgment is all consuming.
Pushing the edge
The pace of life + cultural conditioning makes it easy to forget ourselves. That's why we need reminders and nudges to wake us up and help us connect with our souls and the truth of who we are. When you are actively pushing against this edge, evolving into a newer, more expansive version of you, you need support. A lot of support.
Let yourself be changed
On April 30, my husband and I marked our five year “Bendiversary”—the day we moved from California and became Oregon residents. The years feel like they have passed in a flash. Some days it doesn’t feel like much at all has changed in those five years. But when I stop and reflect, I can see that so much has changed—namely, me.
Own what you know
In the pursuit of knowledge what we often overlook is the knowledge we already have—not just in the form of external information but also the knowledge gleaned from our own thoughts, feelings, felt senses, and experiences. Tapping into that wellspring of information very often gives us the answer we are looking for.
The skinny branches
Like so many, I have felt saddened and overwhelmed by recent events. As well, I have felt clumsy and incompetent in how I can help. I feel very much like those tender leaves at the ends of the skinny branches—exposed, fearful, and uncertain at being pushed out past the edge of my comfort zone.
Lying fallow
This winter has been rough and not in the way you might think. The weather outside has been relatively tame. There aren’t feet of snow piled up—not even inches. In fact, there have been days when it’s been downright balmy. No, the tempest that’s been wreaking havoc has been happening inside me.
The space of change
A few weeks ago a photo from when my husband and I moved into our new house came up as a memory on Facebook. The picture reminded me of an exchange we had last year when this anniversary rolled around. My husband commented on how many changes we had made to the house in those couple of years. I responded with how much the house had changed us. What I realize now is that the space hasn’t changed me but rather it’s the space I needed to change.
Growing pains
Preferences. We all have them. And those preferences, from the seemingly insignificant and mundane to the profound, shape our identities and how we see ourselves. As we change, our preferences change. But holding onto old preferences stifles our growth.
Quitter
“Don’t be a quitter.”
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this during my life from my parents, friends, family, significant others, and other insidious sources. Eventually I internalized this message and, because of it, ended up sticking with things longer than I should have—and always to my detriment. And when I did quit, I was made to feel bad about it from others or (worse) myself.
50-ish days of delight
It’s been 50 or so days since I started my #365daysofdelight project. Although it’s too early to see a particular trend or direction, the simple act of documenting my delights every day has revealed plenty of lessons.
Here’s what I have learned so far (in no particular order) …