Reflections from a midlife journey
Let your heart break
Last week I received word that the last of the dogs I shared with my ex had crossed over the rainbow bridge. Brady was a good dog. He was a bit of a dinglenut and was the most pain-in-the-ass puppy I have ever experienced—then or now. Still, I loved him and he had a special place in my heart. I didn’t think my heart could break again losing Brady for a second and now final time, because he had already been absent from my life for so long. But it did.
Navigating transition
July was a month of loss. Four souls in my larger circle passed away. I was doing pretty well being with the loss and staying present to my feelings until the news of last death. That one pushed me over the emotional edge and suddenly I was eight years old again. It’s my experience with this loss and the change it affected on my life that established the pattern for how I would handle transitions from then on.
What I forgot
By all appearances, I had created a great life. As it turned out, though, it wasn’t a life I loved; a life that reflected me. I had created a life based on someone else’s vision. Because regardless of the choices I made—or didn’t make—along the way, I had forgotten one thing…
Opening to love
When a friend lost her beloved unexpectedly several weeks ago, I was overcome with emotion—desperate sadness and concern for her but also sadness at remembering my own losses over the years. I know grief. Not this particular grief, which is unimaginable to me, but grief nonetheless.
The letdown of letting go
Not for a second since accepting the revelation that I am no longer going to pursue the B&B have I felt a sense of regret. In many ways, I feel like a weight had been lifted. The decision has left me feeling freer and more buoyant. That’s not to say, though, that the decision didn’t leave me feeling sad.