Reflections from a midlife journey
Where I belong
Time and time again I have searched for where I belong, trying to find my place. At first blush it sounds kind of sad, like I have never found my place or where I belonged. That’s not true. Many times in my life I have found my place and been exactly where I belonged. The trouble always came when I forgot where that place is—always within me—and started relying on and identifying my belonging as something outside myself.
A cry for love
I went into last month feeling heavy and burdened. After taking on a lot of new things over the summer, I felt like I just wanted a month off. I was feeling squeezed, constrained, and lifeless. Some things that started from a place of joy no longer felt that way. I couldn’t remember why I was doing them; only that I should. I began looking around desperately for anything that would make it all—make me—feel better.
Opening to love
When a friend lost her beloved unexpectedly several weeks ago, I was overcome with emotion—desperate sadness and concern for her but also sadness at remembering my own losses over the years. I know grief. Not this particular grief, which is unimaginable to me, but grief nonetheless.