Reflections from a midlife journey
The illusion of separation
Of all the things that can keep us stuck in our lives, the belief that we are alone in our experiences can stop us dead in our tracks. Believing we are alone not only keeps us separate from other people but also, and most importantly, it keeps us separate from our true self.
Experience desired
I cannot count the times over the years that I have unconsciously tried to control someone else’s experience, always with the best of intentions and always at the expense of my own experience. Making sure things were “just so” for others meant I put my own experience on the back burner. Worse, that meant others didn’t get to experience me—the authentic me—because I was too busy tending to their experience.
A cry for love
I went into last month feeling heavy and burdened. After taking on a lot of new things over the summer, I felt like I just wanted a month off. I was feeling squeezed, constrained, and lifeless. Some things that started from a place of joy no longer felt that way. I couldn’t remember why I was doing them; only that I should. I began looking around desperately for anything that would make it all—make me—feel better.