Want what YOU want

[Warning: salty language ahead]

Before Thanksgiving, I wrote about finding what it is that would make you happy. However, the premise applies to every day because we often put our happiness on the back burner while we tend to the happiness of others.

Saying “make yourself happy” is easy, though. Doing it is something else entirely.

Why is that?

Social conditioning.

Whether explicitly expressed or internally ingrained (likely both!), social conditioning is like the Muzak of our minds. It’s a constant drone, keeping our focus outside of us instead of inward where our personal guidance system lives. We’ve been conditioned to believe that thinking of others is good while thinking of ourselves is bad.

If you also happen to be highly sensitive and empathic, the energy of those around you also distracts you from what you want for yourself. You often end up using your energy to manage the energy of others instead of tending to and investing it in yourself.

Add the holidays into the mix and the noise both from outside yourself and inside your head can be deafening. It’s hard to hear the whispers of your soul and to know what you want with all that interference.

I have a tool that can help. And it works any time and in any situation.

The next time you are wrestling with a decision (because all decisions either contribute to or detract from your happiness), ask yourself this question:

Am I talking myself into or out of __________?

I have learned that when I am talking myself into something, that’s a sign it’s the wrong decision. The right decision is always the one I’m trying to talk myself out of .

I know the question and the concept sound simple, but they’re not. Your mind is a tricky fucker (as one of my mentors likes to say) and your ego will do anything to adhere to the social conditioning it thinks will keep you safe and maintain the status quo.

And because your ego is a tricky fucker, it is an expert in distraction, deflection, and rationalization. This makes it extremely difficult to catch your mind talking you into or out of something.

Here’s a tip to help you catch your ego working against what your true self wants: Pay attention to the thought “I could make that work.”

At some point in your decision-making process, you will likely say to yourself, either aloud or in your head, “I could make that work.” When you notice that thought, STOP! That is your soul’s equivalent of a “Go back / Wrong way” warning.

I can’t tell you how many times, when considering my options, I have had that thought. From the small (clothes and making social plans) to the significant (jobs, relationships, and homes), I have talked myself into a lot of things because I thought I could make it work. And I still have that thought a lot. But now I’m better at catching it before I make the decision.

I did this recently, in fact. I considered adding a side hustle to my business, offering a service related to my old content marketing career. I have the experience. In fact, I’m quite good at it. And I know there’s a need for this service. I knew I could make it work and my ego loved the idea. It felt familiar and comfortable, and had the potential to bring in more money. More security? “Yes!” was my ego’s response.

And that’s how I knew the answer was “no.” My mind was trying to talk me into something by distracting me with thoughts about how I could make it work.

In my life, I have made a lot of things work that weren’t aligned with my soul. My hunch is you have too. Here’s the thing: I don’t need to settle for something I could make work. And neither do you! Do the thing you want to make work.

Finally, here’s my last tip for catching on to your trickster ego: Patience.

It’s really hard to hear whether your mind is trying to talk you into or out of something amidst all the other noise in your head. It’s only in those rare moments of quiet that you will catch your thoughts. Oftentimes, you will think you have already made the decision. But in those quiet moments is when you will know what it is you truly want for yourself.

If you give this tool a try, I'd love to hear how it's working for you and what you have noticed as a result.