The safe harbor of self-trust
One of the biggest challenges of being empathic and highly sensitive has been the tendency to lose my sense of self. I would forget myself when I identified my sense of belonging as being something outside of me, like a job, a relationship, or a house. I would lose myself when I habitually put other people’s needs, wants, and desires ahead of my own. Even the everyday demands, obligations, and expectations of life were enough for me to forget myself.
What I learned from this behavior was that, if I subjugated my true self to conform to other people’s beliefs, opinions, and expectations of who I should be and what I should do, my reward was the security I desired. But I paid a high price for this false sense of safety and comfort—my self-trust.
Although it has been more than a decade since I experienced the kind of self-forgetting I just described, I find this current time of uncertainty a perfect storm for losing myself as I long for security and solid ground. There is so much outside of me clamoring for my attention, participation, and action between the pandemic, racial injustice, and the fate of our democracy. These times are like a siren’s song pulling me away from the shores of my soul.
What I found during those moments when I haven’t been firmly anchored in myself is that I don't trust my own wisdom, believing that Others know more and know better than me. I don't trust myself to do the right thing … for me. I don't trust myself to know the right pace for me and that I don't need to do all of the things right now. I don't trust that I could do my work and support the issues that are important to me.
What has pulled me back from this potential maelstrom of self-forgetting is turning inward and connecting to my soul through reflection and self-inquiry. Connecting with my soul in this way helps rebuild my trust in myself.
If you find yourself knocked off course by the turbulence of the times, here are some questions for self-reflection that have helped me find my way home to myself recently:
What am I believing about myself that isn’t true and may be holding me back?
What do I need to bring myself back into balance?
What am I holding onto too tightly? Where can I loosen my grip?
What support do I need right now? Who can I turn to for support?
What do I need to enjoy this day? How can I bring that into my experience of today?
What am I not seeing that's right in front of me, perhaps because I don't want to?
Self-trust is a muscle. The more you use it the stronger it becomes. And when you trust yourself, you remember who you are and that you matter. That’s where true security lies—in the certainty of knowing and accepting who you are and trusting that above all else.
This is how important self-trust is to me. Through a vision, my soul inspired me to have it tattooed on my arm as a constant reminder—both for me and to share with others.
